Today the accused Boston Marathon bomber has been found guilty on 30 counts.
I refuse to acknowledge him or his counterpart by name. They should not have names as they do not have a humane bone in their being.
I still pray for the victims, families, and the city. It’s so close to the 2-year mark and time manages to allow for healing, but every day I can still recall exactly how I felt the moment I was just past the finish line before the first bomb went off.
People have asked me if I’ve been paying attention to the trial. Honestly, no I haven’t. These animals ruined a beautiful 65 degree sunny, momentous, and historical day in Boston. They created chaos, fear, confusion. They hurt, injured, and killed. The nightmares of what I saw and heard terrorized me daily for months following. I became obsessed with the capture. I was 1 mile from the Watertown shootout. I had to seek therapy. I lost my clarity and purpose. I suffered from survivor’s guilt. I couldn’t work, eat, sleep. I didn’t want to run, I didn’t want to be around large crowds, I didn’t want to hear fireworks. I lost my sense of control and I lost my mind. So no, I didn’t watch, read, or talk much about the trial.
Weeks went by and I could return back to work. Months went by and I started treating some of the victims in physical therapy. This was a mental game for me. Who was I to feel terribly sick over the tragedy being less than 100 yards away, when innocent people lost limbs, hearing, suffered concussions and whiplash, have scars to remind them daily how one second a life can be completely changed, families who can’t watch their children grow up because a monster decided he could destroy that opportunity? I continued to suffer a guilty feeling.
Almost a year passed and I began to allow myself to accept my fear. I thought I would never participate in another marathon again, but decided it was time for me to move on. The Boston Athletic Association opened up the field to the 2014 Boston Marathon to a few selected applicants who were directly impacted by the bombings. I was selected, I knew this was the start to my healing.
I ran and I finished in 4:30:45 and I cried. A sense of relief washed over me. I was back. I had control of my mind and body again and established that no one or thing has any right to take my sense of being.
So today is a moment of remembrance and honoring the victims and first responders because justice has been met. I choose to be happy.